Confession

Ok, so I have a confession to make. Besides being a Christian homeschooling wife & mother. I am also bi-polar. I most likely have been since my preteen years. But was not officially diagnosed with it until fall 2007. After a small amount of trial and error, medicine was found to work well with me. Although, unfortunately, I react to side affects strongly, so I can not take as strong a dose as the dr. thinks I should. What I take is just enough to help me control the ups and downs, but not completely. Which is fine with me.
(for those of you who might not know what bi-polar is, it is a mental illness, characterised by mild to wild mood swings. Depends on time, date, individual, ect. Mush, mush more than PMS allows to be ok. :) )
Why am I telling you this? Well, I was looking back at my last post, and at the last few days, and I can see that my "bi-polar is showing." What I mean is that, even though I have full intentions to get myself back on track, I am having a really hard time doing that. I just can't seem to get myself to concentrate on moving on the path I am sure the lord wants me to be on right not. Too many pretty things are distracting me! (scattered train of thoughts, easily distractable are parts of bp) My mother has been quite a bit down lately, and I we ended up taking the kids to a hotel one town over for a mini, one night vacation. We had a blast swimming in the pool and hanging out in the room watching cable (we don't have it anymore), going out to eat for dinner. Over all, a really nice mini-vacation.
But in doing that, it has totally thrown off all of my planning and hard work. And it is getting really hard to get back into the schedule. Today we have all been just hanging around, veggin'. Now, today is my birthday, so I guess it's not the end of the world, but.... we still have things to do.

I know that this is all in God's hands, and His plans are not mine. But I do wish He has given me a bit more strength to get through these tough times. I know He is with me, but I do need someone here to understand, and, even though my husband is understanding, he really hasn't been dealing well with it lately, and mom is great, but has her own things to deal with, and really just doesn't know what or how to help.

Well, pray for me some more, I'm off to try to accomplish things.
Blessings -Athena